A year ago, my life started to change. And not for a good cause. On a day like today, in 2004, the mom of my best friend Jaime died after a heart transplant. She was only 53. She was more than the mom of my best friend. I met her when I was 10, and she was always really kind and loving to me, and made me feel like if I was a member of her family. I talked to her just one week before she died. She went to my school to have a talk with a teacher about her son. She had lost some weight, but looked gorgeous. Shit, I wish I could've said something better than "hello!" and then show a little smile. I should've told her how strong she was, and how I admired her for coming back to college at 50, and how her son is the most important person in my life. I know that people tends to say things like these about people who have died, but I was always saying things like that, I swear. When she died, half the school kept asking me if I were ok, because they knew she was important to me. I still can't believe she's not here anymore. I couldn't find a solution to face her death then, and I still haven't found it. I simply started eating. Like never before. I gained 7 kg. in a couple of weeks. You'd think that's not too much, especially for someone who was 17. Well, it was. I've been suffering eating disorders since I was a pre-teen. And gaining those "extra pounds" just made me go crazy. I've never had inner battles like ones I've been having for the past year. Have you ever felt you were disgusting for a whole year? I can spend several days without looking to a mirror, because I'm afraid that if I see how I look I'll go nuts. Some people say things like that as a cry for attention. They just want you to tell they're gorgeous and great. I hate it, and I swear this is not my purpose, and my friends know that what I'm saying it's true. I get sad when I see really young guys and girls wanting to be thinner and thinner. If this is your case, please, think about the consecuences. Just think that you won't be the only one taking part in it. This shit will affect your parents and your friends, not to mention your whole life. So think twice before starting to skip meals because you ate too much the day before. Once you start this battle, it's really hard to get over it.

Anyway. I shouldn't be giving advice, I'm the worst person to do that. So I'll tell you about my [exciting] weekend. On Friday, I went to buy some CDs... like I always do. I got Duran Duran's latest at €6.95, which is an incredibly great price for a cd that came out four months ago. Plus the album is very good, although the radio/video mix of [Reach Up For The] Sunrise is much better than the album version. I also bought Le Tigre's This Island, which is really good, too. I'm So Excited is one of the best covers EVER! On Saturday I rented a movie, The Perfect Score. The only reason I rented it was because Scarlett Johansson is in it. Well, she was the best about the movie. She looks beautiful as a redhead, plus the illusion where she sees herself as Trinity from The Matrix is hilarious. The film is about six students who try to steal the SAT test. It's not a terribly good plot, but I actually enjoyed it. I even got all emotional. I mean, the message of the movie is "friendship is the most precious thing in the world", and all my friends live in another city, so you can imagine how I felt. And today I just looked through the window [it snowed!], watched tv, did homework and wrote in my blog, so it was a cool day [yeah, right]

I'm leaving you. You must be tired of reading. lol. See you soon!

Would you want me when I'm not myself?

Santi