I'm ridiculously ill. It all started last Wednesday. My stomach hurt like hell, but after watching ER, I managed to sleep... for a short time. I woke up at 2:30 feeling like shit. I vomited, which is my least favorite thing in the world to do, and the main reason why I'm not a bulimic. lol. I couldn't get back to sleep until 9. I had the biggest headache in the world [worse than last Saturday's hangover] and I felt like if they were sticking pins in my eyes. I spent the whole day wishing to be dead and sleeping. This morning I was feeling better [I suppose the million pills I'm taking have something to do with this fact], but my back hurt like hell and I still had a headache, so I didn't go to school either. The worst part about it is that I'll probably have a ton of homework next week. :S

Well, this update was just to tell you that I'm ok, and that I'll be back to real life soon. And Andrew, the Oscars are this Sunday... I hope you're available to chat! :D

Keep healthly,

Santi

I have two weeks full of exams. I had History today and I'd like to think it went great, but you never know. This is how my exam schedule looks like:

I'm almost sure I'll fail Math, and I'm having my doubts about Philosophy. I think I'll pass Economics this term. * fingers crossed *

That fabulous CD store I visit every week is closing [I mentioned it in this entry] I wanted to go this afternoon to check it out [which is something terribly irresponsible to do with so many upcoming exams, by the way], but I couldn't get into the store. The reason? There were dozens of people waiting in the door to get into the store. I think that's stupid. Madrid Rock has the largest discount section in the city and I bet they didn't even know it. I guess they think that now they're closing they have put all their CDs at lower prices. So I went to Fnac to pick my ticket for Maroon 5's gig in Madrid next May. After purchasing this ticket I'm almost broke. I have €18.52 in my bank account, plus like €6 in my wallet. And I NEED to buy Aimee Mann's live CD/DVD, which costs €27. I also need to buy some CDs and DVDs that only Madrid Rock has and I have no credit in my cell phone nor in my video store card. I wanna be a rich bitch. lol.

You're unforgiven, so go on living,

Santi

I have the most terrible headache of all time. I went to Laura's birthday drunk-party and drank a lot and got tipsy and it was funny for a while but now I have a huge hangover and can't concentrate on what I'm writing. Anyway, the party was a little uncomfortable but thank god one of my classmates went as well and she went with one of her friends who was very nice, so at least I didn't have to stay quiet all the time. After that we went to Starbucks to wait for the hangover to come and I was so tired that I just lay down in one of those cool sofas they have and people thought I was drunk [well, let's face it, I was drunk] and I tried to pretend I wasn't but it was too hard cause I kept singing songs [I sang Gwen's What You Waiting For?, The Go-Go's Head Over Heels and Belinda Carlisle's In Too Deep], and then each one went home. I swear I'll never drink again... this month. lol.

Men are crazy. Gay teenagers are even crazier. Last night I chatted to two guys and I think I have a trauma, or perhaps it's because I'm in a negative mood because of the hangover. One of them was from the US. He was so fucking annoying. He kept telling me nice things and I was ok about that until he started saying things like "you're my online boyfriend" or that he wanted to meet me next April because he was visiting Barcelona. I told him that Madrid was a little far from Barcelona and he said "you can take your car and come to visit me" and I was like "yeah, in your dreams" because I would never do that and I don't even have a license to drive. I mean, I always say I'm desperate for a man but he simply would give his right arm for a man. He asked me for my phone number, for god's sake, and he asked me to be his boyfriend. You gotta be real sick to say those things to someone you just met. I blocked him, of couse. The other guy I talked to was even hornier. Just a couple of minutes after saying hello he sent me a pic of his cock to my mail. A fucking ugly dick, by the way, and he wanted me to wank in front of my cam and record a video and send him it. What a fucking depraved. I told him my cam didn't work so he connected his cam, showed me his fucking ugly dick again and that was more than I could bear so I blocked him too. I just want a normal guy, for fuck's sake. It seems like everyone's obssesed or insane. I want a real man, please.

After those traumatic experiences, I saw a movie I had downloaded from the Internet. I have to say that I've never done this before, and I never will, and I always buy original DVDs and rent movies, and I strongly recommend you to do the same, but I've been waiting for a long time for this film, and I'm sick of waiting for it to come out here. So, the film was View From the Top, starring my beloved Gwyneth Paltrow. It came out in the USA in March of 2003, and it hasn't been released here yet, and if it does, it'll be a straight-to-video release. It's about a small town girl, Donna [Gwyneth], that inspired by legendary flight assistant Sally Weston [the fabulous Candice Bergen] starts to work in a small airline, where she meets Sherry [Kelly Preston] and the evil Christine [Christina Applegate] After some time, both Donna and Sally start working for the posh Royalty Airlines, where John Witney [an hilarious Mike Myers] will teach them how to be first-class assistants. Donna dreams to be an assistant in the Paris-New York flights, but Christine gets that job, while Donna is assigned to work in Cleveland, where he meets Ted [Mark Ruffalo] But after a year working there, she knows that Christine exchanged their exams, so she should be working in Paris... I really liked this movie. Gwyneth is great doing comedy and Christina Applegate is terrific playing bitchy characters. It's a shame that both Bruno Barreto [the director] and Gwyneth hate it. =( So, if you live in one of the countries where this movie was released, don't hesitate to rent it, because you'll have a few laughs.

Sorry if this entry has too many spelling and grammar mistakes, but I have a huge headache and I don't know what I'm writing. Don't ever get drunk, and your life will be happier. lol. See you.

I get wet without even trying,

Santi

Today I received some bad news. It's something that may be stupid for most of you, but I'm sad about it. Madrid Rock, the cd store I visit every weekend, is closing its doors next month. The reason for such decision is that CD sales have been poor in the last few years [they usually sold over 1500 copies a day, and lately they used to sell around 300] It seems like teenagers don't buy original CDs anymore. That's so sad. I'm sure that in a decade most cd stores will disappear. In fact, Madrid Rock used to have three stores in Madrid, but they had to close two of them for the same reason why the last one is closing as well. Fifty people will lose their jobs. Many of them are students in their 20's. =(

More bad news. When I visited my old city in late January I went to my dentist to see if everything was going wrong. Yesterday there was an envelope in my mail box. When I opened it I saw it was a note from my dentist: it said I need to go under surgery to remove my wisdom teeth. I'll know the date when they'll remove them tomorrow. I'm sure it's gonna be painful. lol

Some good news now. My classmate Laura has invited me to her birthday party this Saturday. Well, it's not a "birthday party", it's just an excuse to get drunk. lol. I'm really nervous. I don't know any of her friends. Thank god that another classmate is going. You know I'm a social outcast. lol. Anyway, it's gonna be nice. I just wanna know what I'm gonna wear. That's such a hard choice to make.

I'd really like to get to know you,

Santi

I've been a little worried about my friend Jaime lately. We talk very often, but for some strange reason he hasn't phoned me in a while, not to mention that we couldn't meet the last time I went to Cartagena. I thought he could've have found a boyfriend and didn't care for me anymore. lol. But I talked to him yesterday and he told me he's just really busy with school and work. Plus, he's under medication since his mom's death, so sometimes he's just fucked up by it and doesn't want to talk to anyone. I hope he gets well soon, I really do. He's the most incredible person I've ever met and deserves to be happy. I wish I could do something to help him, but there's nothing I can do when he's the one who has to solve the problem.

I finally have my computer back. It's great to be able to download stuff again, I really missed that. The worst part is that my hard disk was deleted, so I had to say goodbye to all my mp3's and videos. =( But I'm already stealing music, so I'll have them back soon. lol.

This is the dawning of the rest of our lives,

Santi

I've received the ballot paper for voting yes or no for the European Constitution next Sunday. I'll probably vote yes, though I'm pretty sure that things won't change much. It's the first time I go to vote. It makes me feel so old. lol.

The Grammy Awards took place yesterday. As everyone was expecting, Ray Charles won most of his awards, and I suspect that it was just because he's death. I know it's something cruel to say, but we all know that these things happen all the time. I'm REALLY glad that John earned not one, but two awards for Daughters. I feel a little sorry for Green Day, though. They were up for six awards but only won the one for Best Rock Album [by the way, Penélope Cruz seemed so happy saying their name! lol] But they've always been very underrated. Just think this is their second Grammy [they won the first one ten years ago!] U2 are everything but underrated. I mean, they're good, but how many of those do they have? 17???!!! Vertigo won for Best Short-Form Video... Okay, you gotta be kidding me!!! I won't make any comments about Usher and Alicia Keys winning multiple awards... I'm glad that Norah Jones, Basement Jaxx and Maroon 5 won, too. Norah is a little overrated but she's a really sweet girl so it doesn't matter. lol. I'm also really glad that Britney won for Best Dance Recording. Toxic is a really great song and, even though I've never been a fan [in fact, I used to hate her a lot lol], I kind of feel pity for her because media is always attacking her. So, it's good that she finally got a Grammy. I bet Christina didn't like it. lol.

The lovely John and his Song of the Year and Male Pop Vocal Performance awards

This is nice to have,

Santi

PS - Happy Valentine's day, I guess.

I went to Ikea yesterday. It was fun, but I swear I'll never go again with my parents because they can spend HOURS there, and I was like "hey, it's 21:45... they wanna close the store" but they ignored me [something they can do really well] I bought a CD case and a couple of tiny stuffed animals for my desk. That's something.

I got a 4 in my Economics test, and I'm quite happy about it cause I thought I'd get like a 2. I think I'll pass this term. That 4 gave me a little ray of hope. lol. But well, I'm sure I'll fail Math. I didn't have enough time to finish my exam, so I don't expect to get more than a 3.5. But well, it's Math, and it's not a tragedy if I fail. Oh, and one more thing: our trip to Lisbon has been officially cancelled. Fuck. I wanna go somewhere this year.

I think I spend too much time locked in my room. John Mayer has appeared in one of my dreams. Yes, again. I went to one of his concerts and after it I asked him to sign my Heavier Things cd and he started to make jokes and I was like "wow, he's super nice" so I told him that I was going out that night [??!!] and asked him if he wanted to join me. He said "yeah, great" and all I remember was that we were walking in an empty street. So, this dream is nothing but the confirmation that:

1) I'm obssesed with John Mayer.

2) He turns me on.

3) I really need a boyfriend, a friend and/or a social life.

I finally brought my computer to this place where they'll fix it. And of course, they won't fix it for free. They'll fix it for 120 EUR. Yes, I said 120. Shit, I could buy so many things with that money. But hell, it's not the first time I'm broke, so I'll get along. I've been spending money like crazy. Last weekend I ordered some stuff online, and next week I'll order a couple of CDs from a catalog I receive every month [I've been addicted to this catalog lately, it's illegal to have those insanely low prices lol]

And last but not least, if you spend all your weekends at home, sites like QuizFarm can be very entertaining. I just found out that:

First of all, I apologize for my previous entry. I was having a bad day because of all those feeling regarding the date, and I just wanted to vent. So, let's get it started.

I had an Economics exam yesterday, and I probably failed. Well, it went ok, but my teacher is a motherfucker and he's always saying we don't "get the idea", so everyone fails [and when I say everyone I mean each and every single person in my class] I have a Math exam tomorrow, and I'm gonna fail so badly. My teacher is also a motherfucker, but I'm just plain lousy at Math, so it's not my teacher's fault at all.

I'm thinking of attending Maroon 5's concert in Madrid on May 31. It was planned for January, but it had to be post-poned because of Adam Levine's personal issues. I have to say I'm not a huge fan, but I borrowed their album from a classmate and it's pretty good. Plus, the venue where they'll perform it's really close to my place and when I say really close I mean REALLY close [I walk for 5 minutes and... I'm there! :P ] The problem is that tickets were sold-out, but yesterday I phoned to one of the places where the tickets were sold, and they told me that even though there was no news about extra tickets they were expecting some refunds, so I'll call in a couple of days to see if I can get one. Wish me luck. I haven't been to a concert since I saw Madonna five months ago! o_O

I'm going to Ikea tomorrow!

Santi

A year ago, my life started to change. And not for a good cause. On a day like today, in 2004, the mom of my best friend Jaime died after a heart transplant. She was only 53. She was more than the mom of my best friend. I met her when I was 10, and she was always really kind and loving to me, and made me feel like if I was a member of her family. I talked to her just one week before she died. She went to my school to have a talk with a teacher about her son. She had lost some weight, but looked gorgeous. Shit, I wish I could've said something better than "hello!" and then show a little smile. I should've told her how strong she was, and how I admired her for coming back to college at 50, and how her son is the most important person in my life. I know that people tends to say things like these about people who have died, but I was always saying things like that, I swear. When she died, half the school kept asking me if I were ok, because they knew she was important to me. I still can't believe she's not here anymore. I couldn't find a solution to face her death then, and I still haven't found it. I simply started eating. Like never before. I gained 7 kg. in a couple of weeks. You'd think that's not too much, especially for someone who was 17. Well, it was. I've been suffering eating disorders since I was a pre-teen. And gaining those "extra pounds" just made me go crazy. I've never had inner battles like ones I've been having for the past year. Have you ever felt you were disgusting for a whole year? I can spend several days without looking to a mirror, because I'm afraid that if I see how I look I'll go nuts. Some people say things like that as a cry for attention. They just want you to tell they're gorgeous and great. I hate it, and I swear this is not my purpose, and my friends know that what I'm saying it's true. I get sad when I see really young guys and girls wanting to be thinner and thinner. If this is your case, please, think about the consecuences. Just think that you won't be the only one taking part in it. This shit will affect your parents and your friends, not to mention your whole life. So think twice before starting to skip meals because you ate too much the day before. Once you start this battle, it's really hard to get over it.

Anyway. I shouldn't be giving advice, I'm the worst person to do that. So I'll tell you about my [exciting] weekend. On Friday, I went to buy some CDs... like I always do. I got Duran Duran's latest at €6.95, which is an incredibly great price for a cd that came out four months ago. Plus the album is very good, although the radio/video mix of [Reach Up For The] Sunrise is much better than the album version. I also bought Le Tigre's This Island, which is really good, too. I'm So Excited is one of the best covers EVER! On Saturday I rented a movie, The Perfect Score. The only reason I rented it was because Scarlett Johansson is in it. Well, she was the best about the movie. She looks beautiful as a redhead, plus the illusion where she sees herself as Trinity from The Matrix is hilarious. The film is about six students who try to steal the SAT test. It's not a terribly good plot, but I actually enjoyed it. I even got all emotional. I mean, the message of the movie is "friendship is the most precious thing in the world", and all my friends live in another city, so you can imagine how I felt. And today I just looked through the window [it snowed!], watched tv, did homework and wrote in my blog, so it was a cool day [yeah, right]

I'm leaving you. You must be tired of reading. lol. See you soon!

Would you want me when I'm not myself?

Santi

Ok, it started with me in the corridor of a very US-like high school. It was empty, and I was phoning my brother [did I ever call my brother? I don't think so... lol], and I looked pretty scared. I kept asking my brother "are you ok? Sure? Call him and tell him to go there with you. I'll be there as soon as possible, ok?" Then I knew why I was so scared: the city was full of zombies. But they didn't look like classic zombies. Their face was really pale, like that little boy from The Grudge. There was a virus that turned people into zombies, but they didn't have to bite you to get infected, the virus was in the air, so you couldn't breath through your nose [lol] or you'd be a zombie in five seconds. So when I finished my conversation with my brother, one of those zombies tried to attack me, and I started to run out of school. Outside there were plenty of people running, either "normal" people trying to escape from the zombies or zombies trying to catch "normal" people [ok, you wouldn't get infected, but I guess nobody likes to have a zombie running after you lol] So I finally could get to my flat [I lived with my brother!!! o_O] and the guy I told my brother to call was there. My boyfriend. John Mayer. Yes, John Mayer was my boyfriend. lol. When I saw him I told him "I'm so glad you're ok" and he hugged me. It was such a cute moment. lol. Then I checked Internet to see if there was any info on what was happening. Nothing. Then I checked Andrew's blog, and there was a message saying that it was closed because "the new goverment" didn't allow "online cursing" [???!!!], so I checked my blog and it was closed to, and Faisal's too. I was like "so now we can't curse? Fuck!". lol. Then my boyfriend [you know, John Mayer lol] said "my blog has been closed, too", and I said "Really? I'm sorry" and kissed him... in front of my brother!!! Well, it was just a peck, but I'm sure my brother would rather kill himself than seeing his brother kissing another guy. lol. So after that we went out to see if there were any survivors. The city [I don't know which city, it wasn't Madrid, that's for sure] looked so creepy. There were thousands of dead bodies on the streets. I don't know why, but we ended up in a very nice house in the country, where I saw a girl from my class. Too bad she was dead. lol. We saw a baby zombie, too [I think I've seen Dawn of the Dead too many times lol], and when we turned around we saw another zombie, but he was alive [well, kind of lol] and was gonna attack us. But I started thinking "wake up, wake up, wake up" and then I woke up. It was 5: 20 am. It took me a while to fall asleep again. I was so scared. lol. I mean, it looked so real. It was nice to kiss John Mayer, though. lol.

Some tidbits: My Math exam went... ok? Well, I'm sure I'll fail but it wasn't as hard as I thought / I saw dozens [I'm not exaggerating] of nuns and priests around the Cathedral. I suppose they went to say a prayer and light a candle for the Pope. I think this may sound a little creepy, but I think that if he died, he would be in a much better situation. Just look at him. Sometimes I even feel sorry for that fucker. lol / My computer is really fucked and I'll have to call someone to fix it. Shit. Thank god my brother's letting me use his laptop / I've spend all the money my parents gave me for Christmas / I'm a virgin who can't drive and can't be more than a week without spending money / My Life Without Me is one of the best movies ever / The previous entries link works. I'm a genius

I need to see a doctor,

Santi

So far, the week has been really boring. I have a Math text tomorrow. I'll probably fail, but I don't care. My History teacher is back. And after three weeks without History, it's hard to have it four times a week. Anyway, I'll get along, I guess. I bought The Believer in DVD. We're currently studying the Holocaust at Society, Culture and Religion [better known as SCR] and watching Schindler's List, and when I told my teacher about The Believer, she was very interested in it. She's so great. =) I think that Schindler's List is an excellent film, but if we watched The Believer we could talk about how neo-nazi groups are still being created every year, and how those groups keep going strong [in fact, violent acts by neo-nazi gangs have increased in 2004]

I have to leave you now. I don't have anything much exciting to tell you, plus I'm watching ER. I've tried to include a link to see my past entries. Let's see if it works...

I hate people who hate,

Santi