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Name: Santi
Age: 20
Location: Madrid, Spain.
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Good things come to those who wait
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Seeing the light at the end of the tunnel...
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IAMTHEillusioNATION

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F*cked up!
Wednesday, November 30, 2005

Current music: Broke Window, by Gary Jules.

I need to shout. I'm having my finals and I'm soooo stressed. I always feel suicidal and apathetic in times like these, but I swear this year's being even worse. The fact that my teachers are a bunch of S.O.B's doesn't help much either. Hell, it's like if we were in college already. They keep telling us things like "you're all going to fail" or "you're so lazy" and stuff like that and I'm so scared about this term's grades. I'm failing Spanish, for sure. And possibly Economics. And I'm not sure about Math either. Can you believe that? I'm far from being an excellent student, but my grades have always been good, but as you can see this time's they're going to be beyond pathetic. I just don't know what to do. I'm seriously fucked up right now.

Do I have something like "If you're a seriously insane man, please talk to me" written all over my face? The other day, when I went to see Match Point, I had just left the theatre when a man who had seen the movie as well asked me something about the meaning of something which happened at the end of the movie [which I won't reveal, just in case you want to see it] I said "yeah" with my "I don't want to talk to you, you crazy person" voice, but he didn't get it and it looked like he wanted to tell me something else but then I started walking faster, and I ended up running. lol. You must think I'm some kind of rude and sullen teenager, but this is not the case. I don't know why, but he didn't give me any good vibes, so that's why I acted like that. I've already had a bad experience involving a complete stranger stalking me because he was desperate to give me a blowjob, so I didn't want to go through the same thing again.

You look but don't see me around,

Santi

[Darkdancer] danced away @
19:13

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Match Point
Monday, November 28, 2005

I finally went to see Match Point. It always surprises me to see art-house theatres super crowded, especially when it's a Monday evening and you go to see a Woody Allen film which opened a month ago in a movie theatre which only screens subtitled films. What it never surprises me is that everyone over there is well over 30, so I feel kinda weird whenever I go to see a movie. Anyway, I'm glad I decided to see it. What a fantabulous film, for God's sake. It's amazing how Woody Allen has managed to shoot a film which is completely different from what he's done but it still feels like one of his old films. When was the last time he directed a drama? Melinda and Melinda [2004], Sweet and Lowdown [1999] or Husbands and Wives [1992] had some dramatic bits, but I'd say Another Woman [1988] was his last full-on drama. Match Point has a couple of funny moments, but it's still a drama, and it even has more suspense than comedy. Unlike most critics, I love the comedies he's been doing in the last few years, but it's nice to see that after 38 films and over three decades in the business, he still has that magic touch to surprise his long-time fans. The actors are bloody fantastic. Jonathan Rhys-Meyers is surprisingly consistent as Chris Wilton, while Scarlett Johansson gives a career-best performance as Nola Rice. I've been a fan of hers for many, many years, and what I loved about her was that she was able to say a lot without words [Manny & Lo, Lost In Translation, Girl With A Pearl Earring], but this time she leaves subtlety aside and gives it all away. She's wildly sexy, ferocious... I knew she'd be good in this one but damn, she's beyond that. If she doesn't get an Academy Award nomination I'll shoot myself. Matthew Goode is a total scene stealer, while Emily Mortimer is lovely but not annoying as Chris' wife. Brian Cox, Penelope Wilton and Rupert Penry-Jones have all small parts but are wonderful as well.

I suggest you not to miss this one. I'm sure you'll like it, even if you're far from being a Woody Allen fan. It's one of this year's most intriguing films. Take my word.

Santi

[Darkdancer] danced away @
22:00

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You thought I would never post again
Friday, November 25, 2005

Current music: One Blood, by Terence Jay.

No, I haven't been wildly busy, it's just that my moronic Internet provider took nothing less than ten days [!] to fix my modem, which started acting up a couple of weeks ago until it simply stopped working last week. So I have a few things to tell you about:
- I received 25 [!!!] e-mails. Sadly, only one was worth reading. God bless Andrew. :P

- Last Friday I was shopping around with my cousin Carmen when Dah texted me asking if I wanted to go clubbing. I said yes, even though I was a bit exhausted because of school. We met at midnight and went to a disco called Long Play, which was on Chueca aka the gay quarter of Madrid. God, I haven't had so much fun in a long, long time. We spent the night deciding which boys at the disco would be nice to shag, analyzing the Madonna videos which were shown on two big screens and, of course, dancing like sluts until 6:30. That bootleg mix of Madonna's Hung Up vs. ABBA's Gimme! Gimme! Gimme! [A Man After Midnight] is probably the best dance song ever. But the absolute highlight of the night came around 6 AM. Dah and I had been waiting all night to dance to one of Kylie's songs because, as you should know, every gay disco MUST play songs by Miss Minogue, Madonna, Britney, Geri and Cher, among others. So, they finally played one of her songs, and they picked the best one. No, it wasn't Can't Get You Out of My Head. They chose the Casino Mix of Your Disco Needs You. I'm borrowing this line from The Bangles' Glitter Years: we danced like if we wanted to dance our life away. It was so cool. We pointed at each other enthusiastically with every "needs... YOU" and it was so damn great. ^^

- Speaking of Dah, I saw him again this week. We went to see a Spanish artist called Nika, who became famous after taking part in the second season of our Idol contest, and even though I hate that show I really like her music. She was doing a free concert at Hard Rock Cafe. The concert itself was great [despiting some sound problems] but the best part of it was that I got to meet and talk to her. When she was signing my copy of her debut album I told her I liked the cover of Sheryl Crow's Anything But Down she had performed before, and she asked me if I knew the original song and I said "yes, The Globe Sessions is my favorite album from her" and she said "yeah, her 90's albums are better than the new ones, which are kinda bland" and then I said "yeah, she's in love after all". lol. She also performed a cover of The Cardigans' For What It's Worth, and I asked her if she knew that Nina Persson [the lead singer of The Cardigans] released a solo album in 2002 and she said "yeah, A Camp. It's very good". I was really happy to know somebody actually knows that album exists. lol. Press always says Nika is rude and dull, but she was very likeable and down to earth. She signed my album and also an autograph for my friend Fran [who's also a huge fan of hers], and was kind enough to record a message for Dah, who owns a fansite about her, and we also got to have our picture taken with her. And well, you've already read about our conversation about music. We also talked to her mom, who's like the nicest person I've ever met. :P After that, I went with Dah and his friend Inaki for a quick drink. Dah likes Inaki but he's like OBLIVIOUS about it. I had met him a couple of weeks before when I went out with Dah and his friends [*see this post*], but this time I actually talked to him. A lot. You know, once I get confident I just can't stop talking. lol.

- I haven't eaten chocolate in nineteen days. My skin's looking so much better.

- Who said Madonna is over? Her latest album debuted at #1 in 25 countries, including USA, UK, Canada, Japan, Germany and Australia, which are the most important music markets, plus Spain and a bunch of others. Her single Hung Up has also found its way into Billboard's Top 10, and has hit #1 in a shitload of countries. And she looks hot on the cover of Rolling Stone. And she's getting rave reviews. And I'm so glad about that. You can't deny she's still the undisputed Queen of Pop.

- Hell, I missed blogging.

Santi

[Darkdancer] danced away @
15:58

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The day that changed my life
Monday, November 14, 2005

Current music: Jetstream, by New Order feat. Anna Matronic.

There's nothing really worth of an update, but I promised myself I'd update at least once every three days so here I am. I'm just back from a visit to Fnac. I ended up buying a DVD [Dawn of the Dead'04] and a manga [Fake], even though I tried my best to inhibit my materialistic wishes. I'm such a weak young man. I also saw my brother's favorite singer, and now I feel bad because I could've asked him for an autograph. I hate being stupidly shy. It's been raining all day long. I love rain, but people turns stupid as soon as starts raining, because they really need to take their cars for some strange reason, so traffic is insane, and when you're stuck in a bus surrounded by dozens of people and you feel like if you were canned tuna, traffic is the last thing you need. Other than that, rain is pretty cool.

Today is the second anniversary of a day that changed my life. To think that seeing Shakespeare in Love on DVD and having dinner on a Chinese restaurant changed my life is actually kinda pathetic. lol. For starters -- the girl who was sit right next to me in class, the lovely Vicky, told me she was celebrating her birthday [which had been a month before, but she hadn't had time to celebrate it properly] with her friends and she thought it'd be nice if I joined them. I said yes, even though I get terrified when I think about meeting new people. In fact, when the day finally arrived, I missed my bus and I thought that'd the perfect excuse to stay at home. But then I felt something, something hard to explain, an inner voice telling me "don't be stupid. Just go and we'll see what happens". And thank god I didn't stay at home. I was surprised to see a group of teenagers which were different. They loved watching movies at home, and just staying together, rather than going out and getting drunk. Well, some time later we actually discovered that going out and getting drunk could be fun as well. lol. The point is -- that day changed my life because I finally found something which made me feel better, alive, part of something. I honestly doubt I'd be sane by now if I didn't have them. God, I missed them a lot. But I know they miss me, too. ;) And last, but not least, thanks Andrew for telling me "You should go. It could be fun. And who knows, you might find some new friends". You're my Jiminy Cricket. :P

I just can't get enough of you,

Santi

[Darkdancer] danced away @
23:25

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Weird stuff
Friday, November 11, 2005

Current music: Dare You To Move, by Switchfoot.

I won't try to make you believe this is a porper entry, because it's not. My life's being so incredibly boring lately, but I'll try to make my best writing this entry. I went downtown for a little visit to Fnac. I'll never understand why it's always super crowded. It's quite a challenge to go there when it's this crowded, because it's nearly impossible to stay for more than ten minutes because it's like 40ºC. I only visited their books section, and I found out that Brokeback Mountain by Annie Proulx, which was originally a short story on Close Range: Wyoming Stories five years ago, is now a book on its own. I guess they just want to take advantage of the film's success, which is completely fair [they even used the movie poster for the front cover], but it's on paperback and it's like 18 EUR, which is ridiculously expensive for a paperback book, so I don't know if this is a smart marketing move at all. Then I went to Madrid Comics to get my weekly dose of Gravitation. You know, every time I go to a comic store there's always a group of guys in their late teens/early 20's talking about their favorite authors and stuff like that, and I feel like an intruder. It's been a couple of years since I started reading manga again, but I still feel like an absolute beginner. I don't know why. Anyway, I left the store and saw some weird stuff:

1) A guy looking at me like if he wanted to fuck me right there. He was really cute and seemed quite normal. I thought it was weird because, let's face it, I only seem to attract guys with some serious mental problems.

2) The poster of Just Like Heaven, where Mark Ruffalo was barely noticeable. I know Reese is a star and all, and I love her to bits, but Mark deserves to be a star as well.

3) Three guys who were about my age buying tickets to see Match Point. I wished they were my friends because it's bizarre to see young people actually interested in Woody Allen, or in good movies in general.

Where can you run to escape from yourself?,

Santi

[Darkdancer] danced away @
23:00

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Uneventful
Wednesday, November 09, 2005

Current music: The Old You, by Laura Dawn.

I've been very quiet in the last few days. I didn't have school neither today nor yesterday. Yesterday we were on strike to protest against the new Law of Education and today was a local holiday in Madrid, so all I've been doing has been pretty much lying around my place on my pj's. My parents are setting up my future place, so I've been on my own, which is always wicked, cause I can sleep as much as I want, and watch tv until 4 AM, and eat whatever and whenever I want, and things like that.

I'm already fed up with Christmas. Yes, it's still early November, but there's already billboards and tv commercials about the must-have items for this Christmas. And those jingles are so annoying. Not to mention those corny and well-intentioned tv-movies and telethons. It's all so fake. But I have to confess I'm in the mood for a New Year's party. Cris, are you in? ;)

Do you remember what it was to be happy?,

Santi

[Darkdancer] danced away @
18:38

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Night out
Sunday, November 06, 2005

Current music: DOA, by Foo Fighters.

It's funny how the most boring Saturday ever ended up being quite enjoyable. I had spent the day stuck at home, watching Akira, Patlabor. The Mobile Police and the MTV EMA's, among other things. So it was midnight, and I was REALLY bored watching some gossip show on tv, so I decided to e-mail Andrew to see if he was available for a chat on MSN. But right before I started typing my message, my cell phone started ringing, which is something really, really unusual. It was Dah, this guy I met last September after being online friends for several months. He said he was going out to celebrate his birthday, and asked me if I wanted to join him. I said I would, and we met downtown an hour later. We went to the gay quarter with his friends, who didn't like me or at least didn't bother to talk to me. But I also have to admit I didn't try to start a conversation with any of them, cause you know I'm not the most sociable person on Earth. But I had fun anyway. Well, Dah was a little depressed at the beginning because he likes one of the guys who was with us, but he doesn't even have a clue about it. But he started feeling better after this priceless dialogue between an unknown drunk lesbian girl and one of his friends:

[we were leaving the bar]
Unknown Drunk Lesbian Girl: Where are you going?
Dah's friend: I don't know. Somewhere else.
Unknown Drunk Lesbian Girl: Oh, what a dull guy!

And by the way, they thought I was Dah's boyfriend o_O Everyone tells me I'm relationship material and that I'd make a great couple with [insert name here], but the truth is that if no one showed interest for me in the gay quarter, then it must mean I'm condemned to be a spinster forever.

Take a good, hard look for the very last time,

Santi

[Darkdancer] danced away @
18:47

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Wish list
Friday, November 04, 2005

I hate to force myself to save money, because then is when I realize all the things I want to get. I admit I'm weak and irresponsible, so this is what I'll be getting in the next couple of weeks:

- Alanis' The Collection [even though the tracklist sucks big time, but it's Alanis]
- The Cardigans' Super Extra Gravity [which I should've gotten days ago]
- Madonna's Confessions On A Dancefloor [times goes by... so slowly]
- Gravitation's volumes from 3 to 12 [all of them]

And thank god Christmas is right around the corner and I'll be getting money from my grandmother, because there's a lot more things on my wish list. Sometimes I feel guilty for being so materialistic. But I'm going through a meh phase and these little things might help to make me feel better. I know it sounds stupid, but it's true.

I'm mad at my parents right now, so I'm off to see Akira.

Santi

[Darkdancer] danced away @
18:22

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Hello?
Wednesday, November 02, 2005

I'm going to talk about ridiculously boring stuff. You've been warned.

- I've just finished reading a book for school. It was written in the 18th century, so the language is kinda pompous and corny, and I didn't like it at all. The problem is that I have an exam about it tomorrow and I can't remember what is it about. lol. I hate reading for school. They always pick the most boring books. I have to read yet another two books this term, and let me tell you -- I want to read them as much as I want a hole in the head. :P

- I have a pimple twice the size of Alaska. I think it's some kind of evil entity which has chosen to occupy my forehead to conquer the world. Wow, that sounds like the plot of some kind of lame sci-fi movie directed by Michael Bay. I should call him to ask if he'd be willing to direct it.

- I didn't have my last class today because my teachers had to organize a meeting or something like that. So I went to Fnac, which is really close to my school, to get Gravitation's second volume. They only had the 7th and 8th volumes, even though they claim to have each and every of them on its website. So I went to Madrid Comics, where they did have it. Thank god for independent stores. I'm still fairly new at this, but I think I'm becoming a shonen-ai geek. :)

- I might allow comments in the near future. But I need to know if there's actually people who read this. So please, give me a sign. Hit me baby one more time. Sorry, you know I dig this kind of pop culture references.

Santi

[Darkdancer] danced away @
22:51

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Looking for a cult?
Tuesday, November 01, 2005

I'm back. I hope you, my faithful reader[s], missed me as much as I did.

I didn't go out to that party yesterday. We were in a very lazy mood, and decided to stay home. We didn't even have a costume anyway. But we did see Broken Flowers, which was wicked, and I also got the first volume of Gravitation, and I'm officially and hopelessly addicted to it. Thanks Andrew for recommending me this one, I'm adding this to the already long and ever-increasing list of reasons why I love you so much. :P

I kinda controlled myself and didn't spend much money, but I'm feeling REALLY tempted to buy me some slightly expensive presents I really need [and deserve lol] I'm actually considering joining some kind of cult or help group to be less attached to material things. Scientology? Kaballah? Suggestions will be welcomed.

Santi

[Darkdancer] danced away @
15:58

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