Author

Name: Santi
Age: 20
Location: Madrid, Spain.
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I Would
Good things come to those who wait
How stupid can I be
It's raining men, hallelujah
Mijn reis aan Amsterdam
Seeing the light at the end of the tunnel...
Slutty
I think I'm paranoid
Social drinking
Oh, I'm nervous

Archives

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IAMTHEillusioNATION

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When it rains... That's when I remember
Wednesday, October 27, 2004

I'll visit my borntown in 2 days
Current music: To Sir With Love, by Susanna Hoffs.

It's been raining all through the day. I'm always kind of analytical when it rains. That's whyI've stolen a line from a marvelous Bangles song to use it as a title. I tend to remind many things. The things I've done and especially, the ones I haven't done. I've also talked on the phone with my very best friend Jaime for over an hour. It was great but sad, too. I miss him so badly. I wish I could just call him and say "hey, do you wanna see a movie?", or meeting him to rant about teachers and people from school. lol. Anyway, I haven't had much time to feel nostalgic cause I've got a History exam tomorrow. It's about the French Revolution, so I'm not too nervous about it, but you never know.
I saw Farenheit 9/11 the other day. They're broadcasting movies and documentaries about the US current situation as part of a special programing because of the elections. It was the world premiere on tv. I loved it but not as much as I expected. Yesterday they aired Capturing the Friedmans and Gus Van Sant's Elephant. I've taped them. I saw Elephant a few months ago and it's brilliant. Very hot actors too. lol
You cannot kill someone without killing a part of yourself,
Santi

[Darkdancer] danced away @
23:47

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Shiny and new
Monday, October 25, 2004

I'll visit my borntown in 4 days
Current music: Those Days Are Over, by Susanna Hoffs.

I've gotten my new connection!!! Yay! I'm so happy! Everything's much faster now! Though, this new connection had its bad part too. Let me tell you about it, in the chronicle about my weekend.

Friday

I just wanted to stay at home just because my company told me there was the possibility to get my cable this day. But then my cousin Carmen [the one who lives in Madrid] phoned and told me if I wanted to go to the new, huge shopping centre they opened in the former North Station, and she didn't let me say no. It was amazing. This place has over 100 shops [!!!!!], including a couple of Starbucks, a VIPS [a restaurant I love], those fast food restaurants you all know plus dozens of these clothes stores I really like [most of them are quiate affordable, by the way] The place was huge and after seeing it we were very tired, so she went home cause she was going out that night and wanted to rest for a couple of hours. So I did my Friday routine, and went to check records downtown. I was looking for Green Day's International Superhits, but I didn't find it, so I looked for another compilation [I *adore* greatest hits compilations!], and found Kim Wilde's The Very Best of on discount and was like finding heaven, cause getting a Kim Wilde cd is as impossible as seeing Madonna nominated for an Oscar. When I got home my mom told me that the comapny had phone to say they would install my cable on Saturday morning! But...

Saturday

The guy from the company was at my home at 9:00 [!!!!!!] One hour later everyting was [apparently] ok, but the cable refused to work. I decided to phone the company to ask them what was wrong. The kept avoiding my questions and inventing stupid excuses. After one hour and fifteen minutes [!!!] on the phone, I started to yell to the guy who was "helping" me and he said everything would work fine by Monday.

I know this makes me sound like a loser, but I didn't know what to do without Internet. I went shopping with my brother and bought a really cool t-shirt from Nike and a belt, too. But after that, he went out with his girlfriend, and my parents went out to dinner with with two old friends. So picture this: Saturday night. No Internet. No interesting movies to see. Disaster. Thank God that on Saturdays they air Sex and the City and Friends. That kept me busy for a while, and after that I saw a program about tantric sex. It was fascinating. They even used "real people" to show those complicated positions they do. And apparently, the tantric name for penis is "lingam". lol! Then I watched MTV's Disco 2000. I used to watch this show every Friday and Saturday with my friends in my old city. It made me feel so alone. I wonder if they miss me. Oh well.

Sunday

Sunday was as boring as any other Sunday. I watched an Italian movie I had taped the night before, and I loved it. It's an Italian/French/Spanish movie called Off to the Revolution in a 2 CV, and it's about a Portuguese boy, an Italian guy [Adriano Giannini, who co-starred alongside Madonna in Swept Away, and is also part of the all-star cast of Ocean's Twelve] and a French girl who start a trip from France to Portugal to take part in the Portuguese Revolution in the early 70's.

Monday

I finally got my connection today. There's nothing much to talk about. Mondays are always boring. I can't stand that new girl in my class. But I'm not alone. Absolutely everyone in my class hates her. She's just a smarty pants that makes this unfunny jokes and has this "I'm-so-much-better-than-you" attitude that most upper-class girls have. Cunt.

It's just another manic monday,

Santi

[Darkdancer] danced away @
22:45

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Waiting for next week
Thursday, October 21, 2004

I'll visit my borntown in 8 days
Current music: Building A Mistery [live], by Sarah McLachlan.

There were no surprises and I failed that Economy exam. My teacher is an asshole and he did what everyone was expecting, and asked the most complicated questions. Results? Out of 29 people, 25 failed the exam. How heavy is that?

I don't remember if I told you about my new connection before, and I'm to lazy to check it right now. Well, after several years with the slowest connection on the planet, I'm getting cable REALLY soon. They told me it could be this Friday, but they haven't phoned so I guess I'll have to wait for next week. CAN'T FUCKING WAIT!!! What's best about this is that my brother has FINALLY decided that he's gonna use his laptop instead of my computer every time he wants to use Internet. Thank God.

As you can see at the top of the post, I finally have a new countdown. Next week will be great. I'm getting that hella fast connection and visitng my borntown. I'll have the chance to celebrate my birthday properly. My cousins [who are also two of my best friends] live there and it'll be great to see them again. Can't wait.

I don't wanna bore you anymore, so goodbye!

Santi

[Darkdancer] danced away @
23:54

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Panic!
Wednesday, October 20, 2004

I'll visit my borntown in 9 days
Current music: White Houses, by Vanessa Carlton.

I have an Economy exam tomorrow and I'm panicking about it. It's just a shitty subject and I can't understand most of it, so I'll probably fail tomorrow's exam. Anyway.

I loved Sylvia. Gwyneth does an excellent performance. I like that she's taking risks since she won an Oscar for her charming role in Shakespeare in Love. The Royal Tennenbaums, Possession or Duets are fantastic movies that not many people appreciated when they where released.What a shame. Anyway, I can't wait for Captain Sky and the World of Tomorrow. The trailer looks great, and you need to be really stupid to avoid a movie starring Jude Law. lol

See you... soon?

Santi

[Darkdancer] danced away @
01:28

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Just another Saturday
Saturday, October 16, 2004

Current music: Big Scary Animal, by Belinda Carlisle.

I have nothing to write about. Yesterday I did what I usually do on Fridays, and today I did what I usually do on Saturdays. But I've rented a movie to make my Saturday a little more entertaining. It's Sylvia, starring Gwyneth Paltrow. Can't wait to see it.

There's a music fair this weekend and I think I'll visit it tomorrow. I went to one last Christmas and it was great. There are loads of rare and hard to find CDs at very good prices, so I might find some interesting albums. I have to leave you now. Final Fantasy: The Spirits Within is on tv and it's surprisingly good. Plus that Captain Edwards is hot! Yeah, I know it's weird to feel attracted by a CGI, but I'm 18, I'm single and completely virgin. How heavy is that? lol

Love is a big scary animal,

Santi

[Darkdancer] danced away @
23:58

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I won!
Thursday, October 14, 2004

Current music: It's All Right, by Marlango.

My parents finally went and bought me the CDs I wanted for my birthday [just for the record, my birthday was five days ago] Those albums were Sarah McLachlan's Afterglow and Fumbling Towards Ecstasy. I've only had time to listen to Afterglow, and I love it. I'll tell you about the other one soon. Sarah was planning to do a concert in Madrid next month, but she's cancelled it without an official reason. I'm so disappointed. I've been a fan of hers for less than a year, but I've heard great things about her shows and I really wanted to see her live. Anyway, let's hope she tours Spain next time [by the way, I wonder why the 95% of my favorite artists skip Spain on their WORLD tours... I mean, we're not as *important* as the UK or the USA, but Spain is among the ten main markets, come on!] That cancelled gig is the reason why there's no countdown at the top of the post. I have nothing to wait about right now. If you have any suggestions, please e-m@il me, and then I'll know that I don't keep this blog just for me and Andrew. Actually, according to the statistics I received last night we're the only visitors of this tiny little site, but hey, you should never lose hope, right? lol

Keeping the faith,

Santi

[Darkdancer] danced away @
01:05

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Life as an adult
Monday, October 11, 2004

Current music: This Groove, by Victoria Beckham.

Kill me. Please. I'm so terribly bored since I'm an adult. Here's a day-by-day chronicle:

Friday

This was the day I turned 18. Some would say it's great to be 18 cause you can do whatever you want and stuff. My ass. "At least you got a lot of gifts, right?". Well, you're wrong. My parents are too lazy/selfish/careless to spend 30 minutes buying what I told them I wanted when they asked me what I wanted for my birthday [that line was such a tongue twister lol] Two fucking CDs. That's all I wanted. And I'm still waiting for them. So to avoid all the suicidal/nostalgic/negative thoughts I was having at home I decided to go to Fnac. They've got stores all over Europe [in Spain, Portugal and France, at very least], and in every of these stores there's a small auditorium where they celebrate conferences, photography exhibitions and concerts. When I walked into the store I heard music from that room and I was curious about it [as always] It was great to see what was taking place: an acoustic concert by The Finn Brothers. I have to say I'm not too familiar with their solo stuff [though I love Crowded House since I was like 10] but I really enjoyed the concert. They talked a lot to the audience and had a great time playing for us. Plus the gig was 100% free, so it was almost perfect. I phoned my cousin [who's a huge Crowded House fan] while they were singing Weather With You [we love this song] and felt so jealous. lol. But there was another thing that made me feel happy. Just when I arrived I saw another guy walking into the room. "That guy" was the male member of a Spanish duo I adore, Amaral. I've been a fan of this group since I was 12, I own all their albums and I've seem them live in concert three times. So you can imagine how I was feeling seeing him so close. My legs were trembling. lol. I thought of asking him for an autograph, but there were several factors against me:

1) I'm insanely shy. So try to imagine if I had to talk to someone I admire [he also kind of turns me on, yet another reason to stay quiet]

2) He was attending a concert, just like me. I bet he didn't want to be bothered by a stuttering teenager asking him for an autograph.

3) A lot of people recognised him, and I bet many of them were waiting for someone to break the ice and ask him for an autograph to do the same.

4) He was with two friends. I'm sure they're fed up with strangers talking to his friend. lol

5) Everytime I go out I see someone famous, so there's a strong chance of seeing him again. lol!

But our little afair didn't end there. I swear I wasn't stalking him, but we end up sharing the same cash desk. lol. One of his friends said, in a very strong French accent, he wanted to buy a CD from some Spanish singer. The main reason why I was there that evening was to buy The Killers' Hot Fuss. It's not my fault if the Spanish CDs and the new releases are on the same floor. I hope this clear things up. lol

Saturday

I'm sure this day sucked big time cause I can't remember anything. I stayed at home, that's for sure. Oh, I also remember that I ate like a fucking cow. That's all.

Sunday

Oh my God. A few weeks ago I told you how much I hate to do things with my family and the parents of my brother's girlfriend. I hate going out to eat too. Now, if you mix both things you'll have one of my biggest fears. It came true yesterday. I have nothing to say about it. Nedless to say that I had to hear comments about my weird eating habits and answer to questions I've answered twenty times before like "what is like to have 18?" or "do you like Madrid?". It was as horrible as you might think and I haven't felt so single in my whole life. At least our waiter was hot.

Later I was so astonishingly bored that I burned a cd with the singles that the former Spice Girls have released as solo artists. lol. Hey, they're not that bad. I'm listening to it right now, and I like it.

Monday

I didn't have school today, so I slept until 14:00 or something. The day has been very boring too, but I've been playing with the mp3 converter I downloaded yesterday and it's really entertaining. I sound like a loser. lol. But anything is better than school. I don't have school tomorrow either [we the day of Hispanic Culture or something like that] There's a military parade [with tanks, planes and all] that is attending the Royal Family, and I don't know if I'm living in Madrid or in Apocalypse Now. There are thousand of helicopers flying around the sky and there's a cop on every bloody inch of the town. But still, anything is better than school. lol.

Just don't disturb this groove,

Santi

[Darkdancer] danced away @
23:01

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Don't move
Wednesday, October 06, 2004

I'll be an adult in 2 days
Current music: Mr. Brightside, by The Killers.

So the things with those girls at school went fine. Well, we haven't mentioned it, so I guess that means that things are going fine. I don't think I'll have many highlights to tell you about this week cause I'm in an absolute no-mood because of my birthday. I went to see a movie though. It was Penélope Cruz's latest flick, an Italian movie called Non ti muovere [Don't Move in English] It's about a married doctor who's waiting for his teenager daughter to be operated at the hospital where he works after a traffic accident, and while he's waiting he reminds the affair that had many years ago with a girl [Italia] from a poor suburb. Yes, Pe plays the role of the girl, and to make it more believable, she's all dirty wearing tacky clothes. It's a little shocking to see her looking this way, but she does a truly brilliant performance. She got rave reviews for her work when the movie came out in Italy, and is also getting great comments in Spain, which is something really strange cause we all now that jealousy is the national sport in Spain. A few months ago she won the David di Donatello Award for Best Actress. That's the most important award in Italy. The film has been selected by Italy to compete in the category of Best Foreign Languaje Film at the upcoming Academy Award. Good luck.
The one who loves you has always existed, even before you were born.
Santi

[Darkdancer] danced away @
23:27

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News flash
Sunday, October 03, 2004

I'll be an adult in 5 days
Current music: My Side of the Bed, by Susanna Hoffs.

Ok, I have a couple of important things to tell you. First of all, they found our car and caught two of the guys involved in the theft. They were four, but two of them could runaway. They were found in an industrial zone 50 km away from Madrid. I'm glad to have our car back, but I guess those undeseribles will be released within hours. That's how law goes, uh?

The other important thing is that I came out to these girls from school last night. They just asked me if I was gay and simply told the truth. If we're gonna be friends, I want them to know it from the beginning, cause it's really hard to come out after some time. I still can't believe I did it. Wow. I'm a little nervous. They're very open-minded though. Anyway, I think I did the right thing. I hope so.

Feeling butterflies in my stomach,

Santi

[Darkdancer] danced away @
15:29

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Going out with my family [omg]
Saturday, October 02, 2004

I'll be an adult in 6 days
Current music: Red Blooded Woman, by Kylie Minogue.

I'm so bored that it hurts. I was thinking of either spend the afternoon out looking for some things I want my parents to buy me for my birthday or trying to find my guitar songbook and practice for a while. But I'm doing something different... and frightening. lol I'm going out with my parents and my dad's brother, his wife and their 20 year-old daughter. They're the only relatives we have here, so my parents go out for a walk with them almost every weekend. I didn't even think of joining them, but then my cousin phoned asking me to go. And I couldn't say no. It's something really nice from her though, cause she knows I'm not the best making new friends and I guess she just wanted me to go to make me leave my place for a couple of hours. We don't have much in common, so I'm starting to panic cause I don't know what I'm gonna do the whole afternoon with her. Let's see. I need to take a shower now.

See you later,

Santi

[Darkdancer] danced away @
17:06

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Birthday fears and a stolen car
Friday, October 01, 2004

I'll be an adult in 7 days
Current music: Possession, by Sarah McLachlan.

It's been an ok week, but seeing my birthday so close has started to damage my mood. I always have kind of a crisis in the days before and after a birthday. You analyze everything you've done in the last year and start to ask yourself questions starting with "what if ...". But this time's worse. I've just moved to Madrid and still have no friends, and going out alone it's awful. It's like being 13 again. I feel lonely, ugly and out of place. Things are slowly getting better at school though. I'm friends with two very cool girls. They're hilarious. It's good to find someone *a little* similar to me in my own class. But it's not the same. I miss my old friends.

To complete this fabulous day I'm having, some son of a bitch has stolen our car. We were gonna buy a new one, but we wanted to keep that one for me and my brother. Enjoy it, asshole. Fuck off.

Santi

[Darkdancer] danced away @
23:32

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